lenny unencumbered

If you could switch lives with a famous person for a week, who would it be and why?

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What if I switched lives with an infamous person, if it’s all the same to y’all?

Yes, you’ve probably already guessed: Donald Trump!

It’s not because I covet the position, or because I fancy looking like an angry, overweight, bent-over orange-tanned goblin with cankles. I could also put up with being one of the most hated people on Earth if I could use the position to surprise the hell out of everyone and do some good.

The good?

I’d order all the tech billionaires to be rounded up and imprisoned for crimes against humanity. I’m not saying it would stick, but they need to suffer the indignity while prosecutors build a real list of crimes, and I nationalise all their companies… except Palantir. No, that abomination deserves to be torn down and destroyed completely.

I’d then fire every single member of my (his) cabinet and institute legal proceedings against them for gross maladministration and incompetence. I’d add Jared Kushner to the list of people to be prosecuted for taking bribes and illegally enriching himself.

I will then order all military bases around the world to be shut down and the entire U.S. overseas arsenal to be destroyed. Meanwhile, all military personnel must return home where they belong. I accept this won’t happen in a week, but the ensuing chaos would be very gratifying.

To cap off a great week, I’d send Benjamin Netanyahu a special present – not a Trump cellphone, but a golden Trump pager.

All very ambitious, but disturbing, right? Yes, but don’t begrudge me my wicked dreams in a wicked world.