The USS Gerald R. Ford is the largest and most advanced aircraft carrier in the US Navy. It is currently anchored off the coast of the island of Crete. It was redeployed from the Caribbean, where it ostensibly provided support (as ordered by U.S. President Donald Trump) to the Navy flotilla already there, who were illegally bombing fishing vessels that were conveniently designated as drug trafficking boats.
In December of 2025, the USS Gerald R.Ford apparently seized a foreign oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela (as ordered by U.S. President Donald Trump). The current stopover in the Mediterranean, however, is not a well-earned shore break for the approximately 4,500 crew members as a reward for their brave acts of piracy. Far from it. The carrier is headed to a potential war with Iran (as ordered by U.S. President Donald Trump).
Current reporting indicates that the carrier has major plumbing problems. To be more precise, the $18 billion carrier’s sewage or Vacuum Collection, Holding and Transfer (VCHT) system is on the fritz. To be even more precise, in the absence of a functioning shitter, the crew have been relegated to cleaning each other’s poop, apart from normal piracy and assassination duties. According to an NPR report, the stuck bog has been a shitty issue for an extended period, apparently starting long before their current deployment.
For the embattled crew, the smell of shit before they can experience the smell of war must be annoying. Surely it’s fair to wonder if Trump is deploying a humongous, multi-billion-dollar, floating septic tank to the Middle East to scare the shit out of the Iranians?
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